"Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry?
Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night?
Have you ever tried to find the words but they don't come out right?
Have you ever?"
These words from Brandy's song are racing all over my head tonight. Its all about love. Why does it hurt so bad? Why is it so damn uncontrollable?
It is commonly said, "You can't help who you love". It is even more painful when you finally fall in love and can't be with the one you love. Have you ever been in a situation whereby you hope and wish with all your heart that you didn't have to feel this feeling they call love. And if you had your way, you would be as cold as ice. But hold up, "if you had your way"?? Then really, whose way is this thing really going? What is this force you cannot control that just picks someone who could be the end of you? It is the question I'm still pondering tonight. I heard somewhere, love is a ruthless game unless you play it good. I totally agree about the ruthless part. As for it being a game, a game is within your own control last I checked. Love is something we all can't control and it gets me every time.
It starts with a simple attraction. A spark. Something about that person is exciting to you but you can't put a finger on it. Your system turns upside down whenever you see the person. You conclude its a "crush". Then it happens! It doesn't simply end there. You get talking, you can't have enough of this person and the person seems equally keen. A little kiss and touch here and there. You're literarily going crazy! You jump up whenever that red light blinks on your blackberry, hoping its that special someone. You are mentally dancing "alingo" whenever the phone rings and you see that name flash across the screen of your phone. Its all roses and pearls. You make eachother laugh and fight over the most petty issues. Its so cute and your friends are wondering what's making you glow. You just want to keep talking about this particular person. That's all you want to talk about, that's all you want to think. of. You're all he also thinks of. You just can't get enough.
With the way this story is going, it does deserve an happy ending. But the problems set in when one person stops trying. Or for some reason, you both "can't be together". Oh how that hurts! You've sworn not to give your heart away. But here you are anyways. You're completely drowned. Now everything he does counts as something else. Things you could overlook with anyone becomes a big deal with this person. If he replies you in a particular manner while texting, you begin to feel bad or if he doesn't call you or doesn't text you as often as he used to. You try to talk sense into yourself and shake it off "He didn't come to this world cuz of you", "he has other things doing now". No matter how hard you try to convince yourself you know deep down, something is wrong. Somewhere in the midst of the blur of "love" you missed out on something.
You probably forgot that he is married or in a relationship which is more important to him than you can ever be. You probably forgot that you were just the girl he met at the club or on twitter. Someone you just have a chat with whenever you both are bored and you were not supposed to be anything more than friends with benefits.
Uh oh, sweetie, you must have bumped your head. Where did your brain go? What were you really thinking? Pause, you reflect, and wonder "was I even "thinking"? Yeah. It has got you! You caught the love bug. Last you checked it was "just a crush" but this crush isn't going away and its eating you up like a termite eats wood. You realize that while you where spending all this time obsessing over this person, you indeed bumped your head.
You knew deep down all along that this was not healthy. You tried to stop it. You ran but couldn't hide. It all happened anyways and there was absolutely nothing you could do about it. *sigh*. The one word answers, the less frequent calls, and texts and all the possible signals in the world that screams "Swerve"! Then you get the message. All you're left with is a pool of emotions you cannot control. You don't know what to do with these feelings and they are choking you by the day. You're about to burst. Destroyed in love..
The only question I can ask at this point is "Why"? Why *evuls*? Why didn't God just confine us to falling in love with the person you're supposed to be with. The world would be a less hurtful place to live in!
Moral of the story though: ðon't be foolish. Don't fall in love and don't even think about it. Lol
