DO NOT SWEAT IT

"Do not let people who do so little for you control ur emotions..." This statement is resounding in my head as i lay here thinking, reflecting. So many things that have happened in the past. So many people that have walked in and out of my life within this short time I've spent on this earth. I look back at the people that used to matter.. Where are they today? This life is just filled with passing things and people. No one and nobody is permanent. I think about the people I've put my trust in and they felt I couldnt get stuff done without them. LOL. How do humans become so narrow-minded? Do i blame it on "human nature"? Or do we just allow "the Devil" to play ball with our minds and decieve us into thinking that for some reason we have arrived! And we are so mighty and powerful that we can do whatever the hell we want with our fellow humans' lives and feelings. How do we get so cold without even realizing it? The heart of man, the Bible says, is "Desperately Wicked". 

I laugh as I think back and I'm very grateful to Almighty God for always showing and constantly proving what was written in His Word that He can raise up stones if humans wld choose to ignore Him. The stones can do ur work! So why feel indispensable. When you're in a position to be of help to someone or when you're responsible for someone why not take up the opportunity to be a blessing rather than be an oppressor? When in a relationship with someone why not use the opportunity to impart your best in that person and be remembered for something good than listening to the voice of your own genitals or bank account? When in the position to be a friend why not actually be a friend than seeking what you are going to gain from the alliance or seeking to bring others down instead. Why lead that girl on just cuz you know she'll do anything you say and take advantage of her? Why go into anything at all if your mind isnt in it? No one is forcing anybody! The reasons why we humans do these things is still beyond me. But we still gotta live and shake off all these obstacles and be strong. Im learning everyday to do that.

"I survived without you".. So much satisfaction in that statement! At this point i believe in three things: 

1. People come and go, 

2. Money comes and goes and

3. You can have whatsoever you desire if you put your mind to it and trust God. Only God.

 Humans are selfish, self-centered, self- seeking. In the end nobody really gives a damn about your feelings. The earlier you come to realize that the better it is for you. What really slows people down in life is the value attach to people that are not worth it. Now im not saying you should not care for your neighbour like the Lord commanded, but you shouldnt let people make you lose focus. 

The answer is simple. Do not focus your mind on things that are temporary. Do not allow anyone to walk all over you just because they sense you have a soft spot for them. People are temporary. Nothing lasts forever. The only thing that lasts forever is the Kingdom of God. Do things without expecting anything in return because expectations lead to disappointments and disappointments break hearts. If someone isnt gonna help you with something, someone else will. If he doesnt treat you right, someone else will. If she cheats on you, theres someone out there who wont. My people, get rid of the unnecessary baggage. Im not scared of losing anyone so much that they would hold me back. No sir. We all need to learn to breathe. Do something that makes you trully happy. Dont let your emotions get the best of you. They are within your control. Anyone who says they arent is lying to you. Im talking from experience when i sincerely say evrything is vanity!! Stuff you could kill for a few months ago, you look back and you're like, "seriously"?? It happens every damn time. People included! Those u couldnt go a day without talking to them some time ago, you go weeks without even a thought about them. Thatmy dear readers, is life! What you now did within the period you were in an illusion is what u're left with. And then you look back and think, "what was even my gain"? "What did he/ she even do for me"? Do not be a loser. If only we can all be patient! we would quit making the same mistakes over and over again. 

Do not let people that do so little for you take over your thoughts, time, money and emotions. These things are gifts from God. Use them wisely. Live everyday like its your last. So if you die today you would know you lived YOUR life. Biko, that is not why Jesus came to die for us. He came that we should have life and have it in abundance. Not so we can fret day and night about bullshit. Make up your mind today! Do something for You! ;) 

You know im awesome... Xoxo

PICTURE PERFECT

I want a man, who isn't afraid to show how he feels. A man who won't lie in the heat of the moment to get what he wants and in the long run can't keep up with the words he said and all my hopes and dreams shatter in just a split second! I want a man that would make me his one and only, no other girls matter, I'm all he sees, I'm all he wants, I'm all he could ever ask for and he doesn't make me know this by just telling me, I know it deep within my bones because his actions speak well enough.
I want a man that will understand me. A man that knows what make me tick! A man that knows those exact things that get me upset and wouldn't dare do them because he cannot bear to see even the slightest wrinkle in my forehead. I want a man whose smile is in mine, whose sadness is in mine.
This man doesn't pressure me to get physical with him. Not in the slightest way!! He listens when I talk. He holds me wen I'm hurt and knows just how to make me smile no matter where I am or what I am going through. He knows that when I scream at him and tell him to get away from me he won't go because he knows all I really need is on the other side of the door.
All he wants is my happiness and only then is he happy. I am his everything and he is my everything. And we couldn't be any more happier.
He wants the best for me. He is not jealous of my achievements. He is always there at every step of the way. Advicing me when its needed. He never makes me feel like I should be some place else. He never makes me have to tell him how lucky he is to have me among all the men. He knows this, he breathes this and he reminds me moment.
He is self-sufficient, he is independent. He is focused, he wants the best for me. I am his queen and he actually treats me as such! And I will always travel first class! I deserve nothing less! He is my protector! No one says bullshit about me and gets away with it! His friends know me. They also know he doesn't joke with me. He takes care of me when I'm ill. And he doesn't put his feelings above mine because he is secure, emotionally, mentally and financially. He can vouch for me wherever he goes. His trust for me is endearing. I wouldn't ever want to go against him. He knows what he wants in a woman! He isn't confused like lost sheep running helter-skelter. I am the woman of his dreams and he knows this won't last just for a while. He knows that if he goes away from this world and is asked to choose again, he wouldn't have to ask for any other woman. He has found home, his resting place.
I just want a man that won't break my heart.
I want.. I want..This man is an illusion, a distant dream, a fantasy. He doesn't exist and never will. :(
Straight from the heart. A woman unlucky in love...
You know I'm awesome, xoxo

GIRL ON FIRE

She's like the wind! She walks into your life and you don't know what had hit you! You could try but you can never forget her name. This girl is on fire.
She is empowered, strong, non-conformist, intuitive and futuristic . She always follows her instincts because they have never failed her. Yet she is quite rational. This girl doesn't have to do what everyone else is doing to have self- fulfillment. She is not in anyway shallow! A girl with the fear of God in her. She is a homemaker yet an independent woman. A woman with drive and focus. She has an ambition, she has a dream. Any man who has her would be considered lucky.
She's patient she's kind and she's principled. She is the pride of her father and he shows her off to all his friends. She is beautiful beyond compare, she is well aware of it and yet doesn't let her world revolve around her personal appearance. A woman of class, she prides herself in her ability to help others with the little she has. Beauty is vain. It will all go away someday. What is left is the virtue your parents have instilled in her and all she has learned as she has disciplined herself.
When she talks, people listen. And when she walks into a room, she brings smiles to peoples faces. She always keeps her cool and is level-headed. Her silence speaks volumes. She is not a girl pining for attention, she's a woman who demands respect. She values this over everything. She is not bothered about what people say about her. She just gives herself to you like a transparent bag. "Take me or leave me" is her watch word. She would never sell out. A woman of strong character she is. She would never compromise because she's trying to impress anyone. She also isn't impressed by the vanity of the things of this world. After all, naked we come naked we go. If she wants something she goes for it. She sees everything as a means to an end. An opportunist in the real sense of things. She doesn't let anyone or anything stand in her way. No shortcuts in this girl's world. Hard work, prayer and determination are the means to achieving goals.
She has flaws. She's imperfect. But her perfections lies within her ability to come to terms with her imperfection. She could be the most stubborn person you've ever met! She is rebellious! Revolutionary! She could freak you out sometimes with her coldness. She is erratic (even bipolar) but she would never intentionally hurt anyone. She defies prejudice and stands up for the rights of the ones being discriminated. She can't stand injustice. Call her rebellious, unconventional or even crazy. But she would not give up her seat! Call her inappropriate and quirky. She's on fire.
Life has been tough on her. She has gone through storms, trials and tribulation, heartbreak. She has been pushed way past the point of breaking. But she refuses to let these things overcome her. She has been deceived, taken advantage of. She has reached the point of being ready to give up. But the fire inside. The drive to keep moving. Has kept her strong. The spirit of God in her doesn't allow her to be subdued by the tempest in this world. Of all the unfortunate things that have befallen her she chooses to move on and leave the past in the past.
She has been in love. It hurt. Oh so bad it did. But she believes in one thing- you never lose for loving. She is a winner, a champion in whatever she does. She is never scared to love again. She is brave beyond human understanding. And other girls cannot decipher what she's on about. She dances to another beat entirely. In fact she plays her own drum. A true role model she is. All the girls want to be like her. But they just can't be her. All the men desire her. She is for everyone and belongs to no one. She's just a lonely girl in this lonely world who hopes that one day she's going to achieve her goals of touching lives and find that someone who truly deserves her and accepts her, flaws and all.
She's just a girl but the fire that burns inside is everlasting. Do not let anyone douch that inner flame girls! Keep it burning. You know I'm awesome xoxo.

PIECES OF ME

So I'm lying in my bed 1am in d morning can't bring myself to sleep. A heavy heavy mind filled with thoughts that make me wanna explode! The question that's running through my head. Why why why? An innocent question has caused such unsettlement in my mind. My spirit is weak my soul is paralyzed. Why do we do the things we do?
Funny how I cant always answer that. Why am I at this point in my life. Why am I here? Its like I'm in a constant search of something and unknowingly, subconciously, I'm taking measures to get it. Most of which are erratic. Oh well, I'm the queen of the radical as an uranian. Just when I feel fulfilled something draws me back. This lack of satisfaction. This constant craving for MORE. Nothing is ever enough. There's a little voice deep within my mind whispering "what if what you're looking for is right in front of you" but my heart tells me otherwise. My heart is yearning.

I'm like a traveller, an explorer. My journey began at the prime of my youth (lol, I'm STILL at the prime of my youth) and I've still not stopped searching. Infact, I'm not even always aware of it. In the general sense of speaking I'm a picture of contentment and perfection. I am in all ramifications living a "life in the fab lane" so to speak. But I can't calm down I can't stop searching.

I've been through pain and disappointments that make me want to stop feeling anything. I just can't stop. I feel numb. I'm a blank page. I'm also scared that I may never find what I'm looking for or that I have found it and lost it or I am staring right at it and it doesn't even regard or recognise me. What if what I'm searching for doesn't exist!!

I turn to Christ for fulfilment and try to be steadfast and I suddenly feel safe and secure and know everything is working out for good just because He's alive. I wanna burst out in joy for the precious gift of the Holy Ghost. How dirty stinky me is brought to the level of a God by just One Man. Feels great and glorious!

But then this world is full of mystery. Mysteries I'm yet too explore. The laws of society keeps limiting, the devil keeps trying to trap me with guilt. I try to shake him off. I dnt wanna hear it. Lord deliver me! I don't wanna be any part of this! Why can't I just forget myself and become like the saints? Why this torture? This constant battle against my own flesh! At this point I feel like I'm drowning. I need to escape. I need answers. I need strength. Oh yes, we all do.
I don't know if its just me or if all my readers can relate to this... You know I'm awesome. Xoxo